If there is one thing that really really drives me insane is the sound of mosquitoes. There is nothing worse than being suddenly woken up from a deep sleep by the high pitch whine of a mosquito doing impressions of a WWII dive bomber over your head. And it always tends to happen between 3h00 and 5h00 in the bleeding AM!

I’ve tried in the past to hide under the covers and wrap a pillow around my head usually with little success. I usually end up sweating uncomfortably and being bitten in annoying places like on a knuckle, elbow, ankle, toe, or just above the eye brow. Places that really itch. And more often than not I get bitten twice. So I’ve learned to snap wide awake and turn on all the lights and begin the hunt of the little blighter.

Now over the years I’ve become reasonably good at the fine art of mosquito hunting. One technique I tried was to lie very still in bed and listen for the high pitch whine in order to determine where approximately in the room the bugger had fled to. This is not always successful, takes a long time, and can result in you falling back to sleep only to wake once more to the sounds of imitation dive bombers.

Another technique I try is going around the room waving a shirt or towel around trying to kick up a current of air that might stir the pest from it’s hiding place. I found if you have dark wood grain furniture or paintings, they like to settle on them in an effort to blend in. All this waving about doesn’t always work, since mosquitoes are clever little pricks, and will hide under beds, beneath tables or chairs; essentially low, dark, and hard to reach places.

Now here’s a little something I’ve learned from experience. When you first hear that infernal sound near your ear, make a quick snatch at it. You’ll never catch it unless you happen to be the Karate Kid or Toshiro Mifune in Red Sun. However, the mosquito reacts to the sudden movement by trying to quickly hide and go silent. Now here’s the key point: it tends to land somewhere in close proximity to your head, usually the nearest wall. Get up slowly and turn on the nearest light carefully. Now from your pillow, search the walls and near by objects, working your way outwards; don’t forget to look up high on the walls and ceiling too. In most instances you’ll be able to spot the bastard, especially if you have light coloured walls.

Now it is certainly easier to kill a mosquito when they’re a stationary target. So to paraphrase Elmer Fud “be very very careful, we’re hunting mossies” and do NOT miss, otherwise you’re in for a protracted hunt. Use a pillow or book, something larger than you hand that will give you better chance of hitting the little devil if it takes flight in mid swing. If all goes well, the bastard will be nothing but a brown stain on your white wall. If you’re unlucky, the prick will be a red stain on a white wall, which is harder to clean and means you’ve already been bit to boot. If you’re extremely unlucky, you’ll wake up again to the sound of second mosquito.